I’m a clothes gremlin. I adore clothes. My idea of ecstasy is lying on a bed of shopping bags filled with clothes and running my hands over all the beautiful things I’ve bought. It’s my addiction. Alas, I’ve been a poor student since I was old enough to own my own bank account which restricts my deviant behaviour.
However… It has come to my attention that these clothes we’ve all been buying aren’t necessarily the clothes we truly want to wear. Why would we do that? I’ll tell you why because we’re scared. I’m guilty of it too but I’m saying no more! No more not buying crazy ass outfits because I’m worried people will think they look ugly or stupid.
I LOVE COATS! Multi-coloured, crazy patterns, tassel streaming coats! I’ve always worn colourful coats. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a black coat in my life but I’ve not had those Monster Inc. style coats that make people look at you like you’re insane.
I LOVE HATS! Out of fashion, costume worthy, deformed looking hats! They’re fun, they make me feel like I’m a character in a movie and they make me chuckle when I see myself in shop windows. Who wouldn’t want to wear something that makes themselves feel like that?
I LOVE SHOES! My God I love shoes. Shoes fit you no matter how much wine you drink or how many avocados you gorge on. You can kick it in cowboy boots, run around in your comfiest trainers, strut around it eccentric heels or Carrie Bradshaw the streets in fluffy mules. Why the hell not?
I feel like a closet freak for being so enthusiastic but having such a tame wardrobe. It’s really consumed my thoughts wondering why I don’t express how I feel through my clothes more and then I realised whilst showing my boyfriend some clothes I liked (one of my neurotic tendencies is to fill online shopping baskets to the brim and never buy anything). I showed him this bright multi coloured faux fur jacket with such enthusiasm and passion I expected him to mirror it back but he didn’t.
I know what you’re probably thinking, he’s a guy, of course he didn’t. That’s not it! He didn’t like how eccentric it looked. He thought it looked weird. I felt offended and protective over this jacket and then it hit me. I was never going to buy it; I was just in awe of it. I knew I wasn’t going to buy it because I knew that would be the general reaction of it. I mentally reeled through all the times I’d done that with specific items of clothing and all the lesser outfits I’d bought instead; all the trends I’d followed. I’ve been annoyed at myself ever since but I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. Clothing is part of our identity and sometimes we lose ourselves. Sometimes we’re not sure who we are so we play it safe until we know.
I know that I feel connected to what I wear. Clothes reflect who I am and they reflect how I feel. I got a hat recently that’s out of fashion and inexpensive and I love it. I feel like Keira Knightly in love actually when I wear it and I actually love it. I bought a pair of clog like shoes with studs which are my new favourite shoes to wear and I purchased a bright red tweed jacket that’s the bomb. These are the start of my new wardrobe, my road back to recovery.
My aim is to have a wardrobe like a fancy dress box and wear those daring clothes that make people stop in the street and say:
“What is that crazy ass bitch wearing?”